Samstag, 10. Juli 2010

Letter to my future Wife

Inspired by

Dear Wife, Wifey, Buttercup, or Buttmunch. Whatever it is I end up calling you when you finally get around to showing up. I just wanted to let you know that I'm a superhero. Yes I know that my scraggly arms and tiny calves aren't exactly grade A Superman, and the fact that you can play my ribcage like an xylophone isn't exactly your typical trademarks of the man who will constantly be saving you from my maniacal nemesis Dr. Octotoes, but believe me I will save you. And even if you don't believe me and feel inclined to scoff at me when I'm flexing in the bathroom mirror please take note of my amazing Superpowers.

1)I can fly(It requires my bicycle, but no one gave Batman any crap for using a gliding cape)

2)I can lift 4 gallons of milk with one hand. It'd be five but the thumb doesn't bend that way.

3)I have femmie sense. They're not nearly as honed as Spiderman's Spider senses, but I can sense the proper moment to ooh and aah, and when to restock on the household chocolate supply.

4)I change diapers.

5)I change blowouts.

6)I remember to take out the trash.

7)Jedi mind tricks are nothing compared my monkey toes that can retrieve a remote from over 6 feet away without moving.

8)I can change a flat.

9)I can empty an entire refridgerator in under 3 hours.

10)Those spandex tights in the closet... ya those are mine... what do you think they're for?

If you still scoff at my Heroisms... well just ask the children ;) They know that I'm a Superhero.