OCD?

So a question. What has to be wrong with you before the following occurs?

So as many of you know I love bikes. I've ridden and/or competed in nearly every form of cycling from XC Races to Road to Time Trial to Cyclocross, and even DH and Freeride. I also seem to have a bike for every form of race as well. On top of that I've worked for the past 6 years in bike shops. First as a salesman, and later on as a mechanic. The collective worth of all my bikes combined, is probably more than what was paid for my last two cars (combined). I also have a name and personality for each one of my bikes. :) Ok.. so maybe love is too weak of a word here, but I believe I make my point clear that for me, biking isn't just a hobby, it's a passion. Whether that passion borders on the sociopathic, I'll let you decide.

Anyway... knowing who I am, I knew it was going to be tough living here in Germany without a bike. I thought I could make do. I mean "logically" it's only ten months, it'll be winter most of the time, and it wouldn't be worth it to drag a bike all the way over from the states. Little did I know that not only beauty, but value is also in the eye of the beholder, and I was scarcely here a month before I realized the gravity of my error in coming to EUROPE without a bike.

And when it rains it pours, because we're now a fair chunk into November and we've yet to even hit below 0 C (32 F for Americans). Heck.. today was warm enough to spend outside with only jeans and a t-shirt on. And everywhere I look there seems to be someone with a bike (The apartment bike rack is right outside my window), and more than once I've contemplated buying a pair of bolt cutters.

Obviously something is up, and in order to keep myself from going Rogue and ending up in some German Prison with nothing but a single Bratwurst and a warm beer (ask a german for bread and water and he'll just look at you funny), I've found many small ways to cope.

First, was the internet. Specifically Pinkbike.com. Second came Bike Magazines (an article rating Germany's Mountain Bike Parks caught my eye), and most recently it's been visiting Bike Shops on my free afternoons, specifically a shop not too far from my house called Stadler. Imagine Performance Bikes, but larger selection (Sorry for those who don't know about Performance Bikes. You'll have to remain out of the loop [and if the paranthesis(or would that be parenthii?) are bothering you, just skip em. They're kinda useless comments anyway.].).

Well earlier this week I was going through one of my normal perusals of their wares, when a pretty snazzy looking bike, for a decent sum, caught my eye. Pulling it off the shelf for a closer inspection I found it even more appealing, and decided to take it for a spin(This store has a built in track for test riding.), and much to my dismay I found that the bike was COMPLETELY out of tune. Rear Shift Cable needed tensioning, Front Derailluer was out of alignment, handlebars were rolled too far forward, front quick-release was loose (didn't get too far with that one), and the wheels hadn't been tensioned properly (most likely not at all.).

Disappointed, but knowing that sometimes these things happen, and that the mechanic responsible for building this bike was probably a newbie like I once was (I remember weeks, where everyday my VERY patient boss would bring my works back down from the sales floor and tell me to get it right) I found a salesman and told him what was up.

And guess what he said. He looked at me somewhat confused and said "Oh, that's not one of our test ride bikes." HUH? Wrong answer there buddy! I don't care if this is a test ride bike or not, 1) if you intend to sell this bike, you better well be concerned that it's built right or you're going to have a very pissed off customer, and 2) if you're going to let customers ride around on bikes put out on the floor then you better make sure that they're safe to ride. That and about 4-5 points drilled into my head by my boss over the last few years ran through my head, but arguing with someone who doesn't know what they're talking about is alot like arguing online with people in the comments section. You may be right, but you still look like an idiot.

So I didn't say a word. Just nodded, put the bike back, and went home vowing to myself that I'd never buy a bike from this place.

Now here I am two days later, and nearing the end of this lil' novella. It's friday afternoon, and I'm once again bored (aka can't read another novel about German Buergertum or else my head will explode), and in need of some fresh air I find myself wandering through the automatic doors of Stadler again.

Accept this time. I've got a multi-tool stashed in my pocket. With all the relaxed-suave-super chill moves of Danny Ocean I slowly make my way to that poor deprived soul (I mean the Bike, and yes.. they do have souls.) to see if anything had been done. Nope.

A careful look around shows that we're alone. I can't spot any cameras swiveling from the rafters, and all the workers seem to be occupied with one task or another. I've got my tools in my hand, and while pretending to be simply "looking" I loosen, adjust, and retighten, one piece at a time. And then, hop on the bike and go for a short spin around the track, secretly loosening barrel adjusters, and putting the derailleur stops back into place. All under the secret guise of a simple customer, testing the fit of a bike.

The whole process was maybe ten minutes. And most of that was spent doing a few victory laps around the store, because after getting the love she deserved(didn't I explain that all bikes female, I don't know how they reproduce, but they are), she was so in tune that she sang like the fat lady at the end of the show. It was great, and I think I may have found myself a new level of bike obsession to keep me satisfied until I can be reunited with Miss Devinci, Fuji Apple, and Sweet Pea next summer. Namely: Superhero Bike Mechanic (any nieces/nephews who wish to submit crayon drawings of my superhero outfit will be greatly loved [I'd offer presents but Uncle is poor and love is free.].).

Or maybe I'm just sick. But if this is sick then I don't want to be healthy.